the few and sometimes many minutes before i fall asleep at night are the worst of my days. they used to be the best because i would just lie in my blankets, surrounded by the animals who have kept me company through the years, who have seen and heard more than anyone else, and above all i knew i would soon be in sweet slumber where none of my worries could follow me. but nowadays it isn’t like that anymore. i find that i am crying myself to sleep almost every night. the darkness of night has somewhat an affiliation with the darkness of your mind. almost as if being in the darkness means a tendency to think about things that make you sad. and in these moments, i remember you, i remember the way you used to hold me, i remember the feel of your solid frame resting on mine, i remember everything about you.
last night i realised that i still miss you terribly. and for some reason or other, i am sure you don’t miss me nearly as much. maybe you don’t even miss me anymore. why is it easier for boys to move on? try as i might i can’t fully believe the things you said. the promises you made about being there for me, waiting for me, holding out on hope for that one day. i am so sure you don’t miss me anymore. you don’t need me anymore. you don’t love me anymore. i am just a figment of your past, a swaying figure dancing by your side while you set off in pursuit of your dreams. i am just a girl you thought you knew, a girl you once called beautiful, a girl to whom you meant everything.